13 Things Mentally Strong People and Parents Don’t Do

•September 27, 2018 • Leave a Comment

1. They Don’t Waste Time Feeling Sorry for Themselves.

You don’t see mentally strong people feeling sorry for their circumstances or dwelling on the way they’ve been mistreated. They have learned to take responsibility for their actions and outcomes, and they have an inherent understanding of the fact that frequently life is not fair. They are able to emerge from trying circumstances with self-awareness and gratitude for the lessons learned. When a situation turns out badly, they respond with phrases such as “Oh, well.” Or perhaps simply, “Next!”

2. They Don’t Give Away Their Power.

Mentally strong people avoid giving others the power to make them feel inferior or bad. They understand they are in control of their actions and emotions. They know their strength is in their ability to manage the way they respond.

3. They Don’t Shy Away from Change.

Mentally strong people embrace change and they welcome challenge. Their biggest “fear,” if they have one, is not of the unknown, but of becoming complacent and stagnant. An environment of change and even uncertainty can energize a mentally strong person and bring out their best.

4. They Don’t Waste Energy on Things They Can’t Control.

Mentally strong people don’t complain (much) about bad traffic, lost luggage, or especially about other people, as they recognize that all of these factors are generally beyond their control. In a bad situation, they recognize that the one thing they can always control is their own response and attitude, and they use these attributes well.

5. They Don’t Worry About Pleasing Others.

Know any people pleasers? Or, conversely, people who go out of their way to dis-please others as a way of reinforcing an image of strength? Neither position is a good one. A mentally strong person strives to be kind and fair and to please others where appropriate, but is unafraid to speak up. They are able to withstand the possibility that someone will get upset and will navigate the situation, wherever possible, with grace.

6. They Don’t Fear Taking Calculated Risks.

A mentally strong person is willing to take calculated risks. This is a different thing entirely than jumping headlong into foolish risks. But with mental strength, an individual can weigh the risks and benefits thoroughly, and will fully assess the potential downsides and even the worst-case scenarios before they take action.

7. They Don’t Dwell on the Past.

There is strength in acknowledging the past and especially in acknowledging the things learned from past experiences—but a mentally strong person is able to avoid miring their mental energy in past disappointments or in fantasies of the “glory days” gone by. They invest the majority of their energy in creating an optimal present and future.

8. They Don’t Make the Same Mistakes Over and Over.

We all know the definition of insanity, right? It’s when we take the same actions again and again while hoping for a different and better outcome than we’ve gotten before. A mentally strong person accepts full responsibility for past behavior and is willing to learn from mistakes. Research shows that the ability to be self-reflective in an accurate and productive way is one of the greatest strengths of spectacularly successful executives and entrepreneurs.

9. They Don’t Resent Other People’s Success.

It takes strength of character to feel genuine joy and excitement for other people’s success. Mentally strong people have this ability. They don’t become jealous or resentful when others succeed (although they may take close notes on what the individual did well). They are willing to work hard for their own chances at success, without relying on shortcuts.

10. They Don’t Give Up After Failure.

Every failure is a chance to improve. Even the greatest entrepreneurs are willing to admit that their early efforts invariably brought many failures. Mentally strong people are willing to fail again and again, if necessary, as long as the learning experience from every “failure” can bring them closer to their ultimate goals.

11. They Don’t Fear Alone Time.

Mentally strong people enjoy and even treasure the time they spend alone. They use their downtime to reflect, to plan, and to be productive. Most importantly, they don’t depend on others to shore up their happiness and moods. They can be happy with others, and they can also be happy alone.

12. They Don’t Feel the World Owes Them Anything.

Particularly in the current economy, executives and employees at every level are gaining the realization that the world does not owe them a salary, a benefits package and a comfortable life, regardless of their preparation and schooling. Mentally strong people enter the world prepared to work and succeed on their merits, at every stage of the game.

13. They Don’t Expect Immediate Results.

Whether it’s a workout plan, a nutritional regimen, or starting a business, mentally strong people are “in it for the long haul”. They know better than to expect immediate results. They apply their energy and time in measured doses and they celebrate each milestone and increment of success on the way. They have “staying power.” And they understand that genuine changes take time.

If you are a parent, also get her other very useful title “13 Things Mentally Strong Parents Don’t Do“.

“Raising self-assured children and training their brains for a life of happiness, meaning, and success.”

1. They Don’t Condone A Victim Mentality

Getting cut from the soccer team or failing a class doesn’t make your child a victim. Rejection, failure, and unfairness are part of life. Rather than allow kids to host pity parties or exaggerate their misfortune, mentally strong parents encourage their children to turn their struggles into strength. They help them identify ways in which they can take positive action, despite their circumstances.

2. They Don’t Parent Out Of Guilt

Guilty feelings can lead to a long list of unhealthy parenting strategies — like giving in to your child after you’ve said no or overindulging your child on the holidays. Mentally strong parents know that although guilt is uncomfortable, it’s tolerable. They refuse to let their guilty feelings get in the way of making wise choices.

3. They Don’t Make Their Child The Center Of The Universe

It can be tempting to make your life revolve around your child. But kids who think they’re the center of the universe grow up to be self-absorbed and entitled. Mentally strong parents teach their kids to focus on what they have to offer the world — rather than what they’re owed.

4. They Don’t Allow Fear To Dictate Their Choices

Keeping your child inside a protective bubble could spare you a lot of anxiety. But keeping kids too safe stunts their development. Mentally strong parents view themselves as guides, not protectors. They allow their kids to go out into the world and experience life, even when it’s scary to let go.

5. They Don’t Give Their Child Power Over Them

Kids who dictate what the family is going to eat for dinner, or those who orchestrate how to spend their weekends, have too much power.  Becoming more like an equal — or even the boss — isn’t healthy for kids. Mentally strong parents empower kids to make appropriate choices while maintaining a clear hierarchy.

6. They Don’t Expect Perfection

High expectations are healthy, but expecting too much from kids will backfire. Mentally strong parents recognize that their kids are not going to excel at everything they do. Rather than push their kids to be better than everyone else, they focus on helping them become the best versions of themselves.

7. They Don’t Let Their Child Avoid Responsibility

You won’t catch a mentally strong parent saying things like, “I don’t want to burden my kids with chores. Kids should just be kids.” They expect children to pitch in and learn the skills they need to become responsible citizens. They proactively teach their kids to take responsibility for their choices and they assign them age-appropriate duties.

8. They Don’t Shield Their Child From Pain

It’s tough to watch kids struggle with hurt feelings or anxiety. But, kids need practice and first-hand experience tolerating discomfort. Mentally strong parents provide their kids with the support and help they need coping with pain so their kids can gain confidence in their ability to deal with whatever hardships life throws their way.

9. They Don’t Feel Responsible For Their Child’s Emotions

It can be tempting to cheer your kids up when they’re sad or calm them down when they’re angry. But, regulating your kids’ emotions for them prevents them from gaining social and emotional skills. Mentally strong parents teach their children how to be responsible for their own emotions so they don’t depend on others to do it for them.

10. They Don’t Prevent Their Child From Making Mistakes

Whether your child gets a few questions wrong on his math homework or he forgets to pack his cleats for soccer practice, mistakes can be life’s greatest teacher. Mentally strong parents let their kids mess up — and they allow them to face the natural consequences of their actions.

11. They Don’t Confuse Discipline With Punishment

Punishment is about making kids suffer for their wrongdoing. Discipline is about teaching them how to do better in the future. And while mentally strong parents do give out consequences, their ultimate goal is to teach kids to develop the self-discipline they’ll need to make better choices down the road.

12. They Don’t Take Shortcuts To Avoid Discomfort

Giving in when a child whines or doing your kids’ chores for them, is fast and easy. But, those shortcuts teach kids unhealthy habits. It takes mental strength to tolerate discomfort and avoid those tempting shortcuts.

13. They Don’t Lose Sight Of Their Values

In today’s fast-paced world it’s easy to get wrapped up in the day-to-day business of homework, chores, and sports practices. Those hectic schedules — combined with the pressure to look like parent of the year on social media —cause many people to lose sight of what’s really important in life. Mentally strong parents know their values and they ensure their family lives according to them.

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2017! No wonder my life’s such a mess!

•June 19, 2017 • Leave a Comment

12FU are still a 3 on the floor 1.2.3-4 ramones punch and songs that dont go on.. and on..

Jamie watts has been lending his drumming skills to strawberry fist cake this year, so 12FU have back burned to catch our breath..

Album in the works. New material too.

This year started with a hopefull attitude. I did solo shows with frenzal rhombs lindsay. As i was waiting for Rupert murdock to throw me a few numbers, things in my musical world took their toll. Bass player gone into the wild. We loved ryan’s musical talents. Shame.. Anyone who caught 12FU with ryan on bass caught us on a roll. Then splat!

Since ryan disappeared, Duane pipe (wrong turn) has helped. We have bass! Ryan was doing us a lot of favours, Duane is sharing himself to 3 working bands a week. So, theres a slow down at the station.

We keep working on it.

See you all soon

 

 

 

 

12FU official site

•August 7, 2016 • Leave a Comment

http://rjmckay77.wixsite.com/12fu

12FU back. New line up!

•March 17, 2016 • Leave a Comment


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Jamie Watt on dddddddrums!

But who’s  on third bass??
Heres a new demo:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h3WKxEL7bzY

12FU final gig

•March 25, 2015 • Leave a Comment

Well, three years of ramoning around. 12FU played their last show with the original lineup at the Brunny a couple of weeks ago. Sad..
Anyway, it’s not the end. New lineup soon!

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Hoi An

•November 13, 2014 • Leave a Comment

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Hoi An is heaven. It’s better than both the Bali and Thailand holidays I’ve had over the last couple of years.
Bangkok was good for shopping for cheap punk rock clothes, but Hoi An is like a beachfront/riverside old quaint Europe. Body surfing, nice waves, warm water, and the people are nice.
No problem getting vegetarian food. The ancient city is full of cheap eats. Use foursquare if in doubt.
Ho chi Minh has over 400 commonwealth bank ATMS, but none in hoi an.
My nab card worked in hcmc, but not here.

Don’t bother with the cities. Go to hoi an and get a place on the beach.

September 2014 grand final night

•September 28, 2014 • Leave a Comment

Every year it’s hard to put on a show on grand final night. We couldn’t find a band to play, so I brought in Kareoke to fill the night after 12FU played to a small crowd.

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It got messy! Drunkenly messy.. horrible sound. 

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